Tag Archives: Santa Fe

Lesbians and The City Different

Like most good people, I hate the Dallas Cowboys. A few years ago, Robert Altman made a film with a gay character who wanted to be a Cowboys’ cheerleader. When the Cowboys discovered the character’s sexual orientation, they refused to let her wear their uniform in the film (which is strange, considering half their players are gay). Despite the fact that, on an almost yearly basis, the Dallas Cowboys stand by some player who’s charged with sexual assault or drug possession, their organization refuses to be associated with homosexuality. Some people are just intolerant. To be honest, I would have been disappointed if the Cowboys’ hadn’t acted like the narrow-minded, hypocritical bastards we all know they are.
MTV, on the other hand, is way more open-minded. Years ago, they televised a performance by the Russian band T.A.T.U. – two hot lesbians who perform in their underwear and make out on stage (they’re really great). During their performance, a hundred teenagers wearing Catholic school-girl uniforms ran onto the stage. As T.A.T.U sang, the hundred girls ripped off their shirts and skirts and started making out with each other in their underwear (it was a really great show). Obviously, this was filmed in Manhattan, because New Yorkers are super tolerant and they embrace lesbians and stuff. As we watched, my friend Kevin said, “they would never do this with a hundred teenage boys – making out with each other in their underwear.” This is true.
Cinemax is a lot like MTV. Cinemax usually runs a soft-core porn movie each night (according to my friend Bill, not me). One thing I’ve noticed… I mean, one thing Bill noticed, is that each movie has at least one scene with two girls having sex. It’s like a requirement or something. However, Bill has never seen two dudes making out on Cinemax… unless it was an art movie. Even mainstream television commercials regularly feature a lesbian subtext – like the Miller Lite ad with two hotties fighting in a water fountain.
It’s not just modern America that’s more comfortable with gay women than gay men. Last night, I saw a program on the Nazi’s campaign against homosexuals. Evidently, they were much more concerned about gay men than gay women. Yes, the Nazis persecuted lesbians, but not with the same fervor reserved for gay men. Apparently, even the Nazis could handle a little lesbian action (which makes them slightly more tolerant than the Dallas Cowboys).
It’s seems reasonable to ask the question – “why are people more comfortable with female gay sex than male gay sex?” Some people have complicated theories about gender power structures, but I think it’s something more simple – people are freaked out by butt sex. When I wrote about that topic, it caused quite a controversy. Some people complained about the language, which seems odd, considering I’ve always had a potty mouth and its often been worse. Most people were offended by the subject matter (things in butts, things near butts, rim jobs, etc.). By most people, I mean some readers, some friends, some girls I’ve dated, and the publisher of this paper. I even offended myself. Someone told me that’s because I’m a Sagittarius with Virgo rising. Evidently, Sagittarians are outspoken and skanky, while Virgos are reserved and prudish – which means half of me is always offending the other half.
I’m not surprised that I offended myself, because I’m a pretty conservative guy. But, I was surprised that I offended so many liberals in Santa Fe. I mean, this is the City Different, right? Santa Fe is an alternative town for alternative people, and the Santa Fe Reporter is the alternative newspaper. The truth is, while Santa Fe is politically progressive, it’s as sexually repressed as Victorian England. We can celebrate alternative sexuality (witness the Gay Pride parade), but we can’t handle an open discussion about sexual alternatives (rim jobs).
Okay, I’ll stop writing about that stuff. I may be immature and sarcastic, but I’m not stupid.
Finally, while I sympathize with people concerned that children might read my column, please consider this: children need constant supervision, regardless of what I say about butt sex. There are a thousand terrible things that can happen to an unsupervised child – like watching porn on Cinemax , running into the street, using handguns, or growing up to be a Cowboys fan.

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Marx

Dear Steve –
Thank you for putting yourself out there for public flogging every week. 

I’m a year 55 year-old single hetero woman, living in Santa Fe for 27 years. I love men and often give and get great sex when the opportunity presents. I wish I could be a lesbian because, from what I’ve observed, I think I might have a better chance at a meaningful relationship and great sex too, but I can’t seem to bond with more than my cat, who gives me no sex at all but will sleep with me every night.

18 years ago, I had a conversation with a hetero male friend and I remarked that there seemed to be no available hetero men in town and he jumped on the comment saying ‘Oh, no, the problem is that there are no women here’ which allowed us to see that the problem was with us – not with actual supply of men and women. I was blown away. He found his first partner only a year ago and they just now bought a little house together.

All these years later, I still don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. I have done work on myself. There is obviously more to be done or I would be ‘fixed’ by now. And yeah, it smarts that he got what I want. Being alone doesn’t hurt like it used to, and I am resigned to it because actively seeking a partner doesn’t seem to work. I work with the public in a fun retail situation and speak with men all the time that appeal to me, but I feel no connection happening.

Enough of my bitching – I think people that fail to connect w/others wind up in a place like Santa Fe. I have observed that we seem to have a constantly growing contingent of independent, intelligent, creative, tenacious, and overly-concerned-with-self individualists. I think many believe they need to be self-centered to accomplish whatever it is they need to do, and that doesn’t leave much room for anyone else no matter how lonely it gets. I include myself from this group.

And then there are the ones who are never without a partner, even though the partners change. What’s up w/that?

Thanks for your journalistic integrity in staying true to your beliefs. Fuck ‘em if they can’t let the rest of us laugh. And thanks for defining ‘rim job’.
-Just “Another child growing old”, to quote ol’ Joni Mitchell.

First, some people are always in a relationship because they’re rich, or funny, or attractive, or well-adusted, or have no personal boundaries whatsoever and sleep with anything that moves (and no, I’m not necessarily talking about myself). Second, I think it’s good that you’re not having sex with your cat and I recommend you keep it that way. Continue reading

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