Tag Archives: rejection


Dear Steve,
I have a terrible time meeting women that I want to be with. I am 26, 6 foot 2 and 180 pounds. I am told by numerous people that I am extremely good looking. It always seems to be a girl who is already involved or one that I am not attracted to that tells me this. I am a picky person when it even comes to “one night stands.” My friends say that I am not very aggressive when we go out. Part of my problem is that when all of these people are telling me how awesome I am, why don’t those girls come up to me that are single and attractive. Any word of advice on what I should change or do.
Thank you Duncan,

Women are very intuitive. Unattractive singles and attractive unsingles probably know that you’re not interested in them, so it’s safe to compliment you because they know it won’t lead anywhere. Average looking women probably sense your lack of interest, move past that, and give you a compliment because they aren’t trying to pick you up. Hence, they aren’t risking rejection. But why aren’t the red-hot, single babes hitting on you?

There can only be one explanation – you intimidate them. I mean, look at the facts; you’re 26, you’re 6’2”, you weigh 180 pounds, and numerous people agree that you’re extremely good looking. You’re a friggin’ Adonis. Any woman attractive enough to actually date you is probably too damn frightened to make the first move.

Your friends say that you are not very aggressive when you go out. You should probably work on that. Women love aggressive men. Sure, many women say they don’t like pushy guys, but does that apply to a really good-looking man? I think not.

You need to make yourself more approachable, more human. Find ways to put other people at ease (people like red-hot babes) and then they’ll start hitting on you. What I’m about to suggest is going to sound completely ridiculous to you, but I’m being serious: You should think about wearing some gold chains. Really. A gold chain around your neck says, “Hey, come talk to me, I’m approachable, I’m fun, let’s have fun together!” I think a gold chain might be the answer to your problems. It would make you a little more human, a little less god-like.

OK, OK, I’ll stop. I’m lying my ass off. Frankly, I’m not interested in helping some tall, good-looking narcissist get laid. I’ll tell you why the babes aren’t approaching you. You’re so in love with yourself, they figure you’re not interested in anyone else. Seriously, look at your letter. You don’t say that you’re a good listener. You don’t say that you’re smart. You don’t say that you’re caring. You don’t say that you’re funny. You say that you’re tall and good looking – as if that entitles you to an instant girlfriend. Moreover, you’re so full of yourself, you expect your instant girlfriend to come to you. And you’re picky? Even for a one-night stand? I don’t think you get the whole one nightstand thing. One of the distinguishing characteristics of a one-night stand is the lowering of standards.

Sure, women are almost as superficial as men. But most women need more than just good looks to get their engines revving. So put in some friggin’ effort and don’t expect to coast by on your good looks. News flash! Women rarely pick up men. That’s right, you may have to make the first move. But you’re great looking, so you can relax. Imagine what it would be like to make the first move if you were FAT, or had a big-ass mole on your face.

PS- If you do make the first move, remember to ask her questions about herself. Really listen to her. If you aren’t genuinely interested in what she has to say, leave her alone and find a woman in whom you are genuinely interested. And here’s another idea: Give a second look to some of those single, unattractive women who have complimented you. You may discover they have more to offer you than you originally thought… like soul.


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Beer Brat

Mr. Steve,
First off, I’d like to say that your wit, practicality, and directness are refreshing. Very few people, as you know, say it like it is in the Love arena, so bravo! Here is my self-pitying question:
I am a young (early twenties) woman, and have, after a traumatic heartbreak four years ago, had a strange brew of luck in the area of love. One could analyze my past and come up with various psychological reasons for my current delima, but I don’t want to hear that crap; I’ve already been there and done that, worked through my shit so-to-say. I want it to be laid flat out on the table in your style.
(Though the following may come accross as conceited, egotistical, etc., I am no such thing and am just stating the facts).
I’ve been reinforced throughout my life, that I am a beautiful woman physically and so on. I take care of myself and feel highly confident that I am a damb good catch. I’m educated, witty, enjoyable company to the majority of people I meet, I’m open-minded, adventurous, affectionate. I love sex. I love to laugh and appreciate excentric humor. I’m laid back, calm, an excellent listener, talented, strong and independent yet very feminine. I’m a deep thinker and feeler, but I’m also very practical and therefore, can understand some of the male sexs’ frustrations with relationships and women.
(For example: I despise Shania Twain’s song “Any Man of Mine” because it represents a woman that no man (knowingly) should put up with!)
I have high standards of men in relationships because I’ve experienced the good stuff and, psychologically speaking, have a strong relationship with my father and brother, who are outstanding representations of the male sex. I don’t believe I should settle and be in an unhealthy relationship just to prevent loneliness and curb social pressures of inadequecy.
So… my question is, why the hell am I not saught after like a beer Brautwerst? I rarely get approached or hit on and I’ve been single for a bit longer than I’d like. Do high-caliber men exist out there and, if so, do they ever come out of the woodwork? Are the men who hit on women aggressively, perceptive enough to be intimidated by a high-caliber woman? Have I been fooled, by myself and others, into believing that I am all of the above things, including attractive, all my life? The questions could go on, but I think you get my point.
If you have any response to this, spill it out in big bold letters for me in your next column.
Thanks for your time and divine wisdom. Keep up your smashing style!
Beer Braut Woman

Every Wednesday, the High-Caliber Men’s Club meets at the Alamo Palomino Lounge to discuss high caliber stuff. Last week, they allowed me to attend.
First, there was an interesting discussion about what defines a high-caliber woman. Eventually, everyone agreed on three qualities that are most important… humility, courage and good spelling.
Next, I asked the group if they were perceptive enough to be intimidated by high-caliber women. They laughed a lot. Then, they explained the Female Myth of Intimidation. Sometimes, when a woman isn’t pursued by men, she tells herself it’s because men are intimidated by her. It’s like when a guy gets rejected and blames it on lesbianism. Or, when a fox can’t get any grapes, then decides they’re probably sour anyway. In fact, high caliber men aren’t intimidated by anything (except marriage and the IRS). However, low-caliber and medium-caliber men are intimidated by models, actresses and women who use big words.
Finally, the group discussed hypocrisy. Evidently, there are many women who want political, economic and social equality, but don’t want to risk getting rejected by asking a guy out. Evidently, these passive women wait for men to approach them As every man knows, confronting your fear of rejection requires courage. It’s difficult to consider a woman equal, let alone high-caliber, if she’s unable to face the rejection that the average 16 year-old boy faces every day. This discussion made me think about your situation. Maybe, you could stop waiting for men to hit on you, and you could start hitting on men. It’s a damb good idea.

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