Tag Archives: happiness

Romance

Dear Steve,
My marriage is on the rocks. I’ve been a Steve (desireless, excellent and retreating) for all of the 15 years I’ve known this woman. I spent most of the time ignoring her, having no desire for her, and being excellent at golf. About 8 months ago she turned totally Steve and is ignoring me, has no desire for sex, and is incredibly excellent at making tons of money. Of course, I now totally want her!

So, my question is… is there life after Steve? I’ve seen the errors of my ways and now it seems as though it’s too late to get her back. Do I once again start thinking about the single life? I’m 53 and Scared Shitless… but my handicap has never been better!!
Thanks for a very cool movie…!
Signed,
R in CA

First, a warning to all you cynics – the next two paragraphs are an earnest response to R’s letter, devoid of any comedy bits. Moreover, the remaining paragraphs consist largely of self-indulgent ramblings about love and politics.

Write your wife a letter. Tell her you woke up and realized what you’ve been missing. Tell her that anyone who could take her for granted doesn’t deserve her, and ask for her forgiveness. Include a list of the ten best things about her that nobody else would know. Tell her you lust for her more now than you did when you met.

Surprise her with a romantic dinner and a gift (something more symbolic than expensive – after all, she has her own money). Does she like poetry? Get her a book of poems. If you don’t already know the perfect gift, do some research. Find out what she would really want and not get for herself. At dinner, give her the letter along with the gift. Then humbly thank her for letting you spend so many years in her company, and tell her that your happiest thought is the prospect of spending many years to come with her. Good luck.

There’s an important lesson here, not just for you, but for Obama. One must not take anything for granted, be it a beautiful wife or crucial electoral votes. As I write this column, the election is still in doubt. 250 million Americans could be thrust into a Constitutional crisis. Hopefully, you and your wife will work things out. Either way, it shouldn’t affect the stock market.

I don’t want to get all loopy-loo and Yoda-like, but I think this election is a wonderful, divine reminder of something crucially important that we often forget. Everything counts, everything matters. Whether it’s votes, or small demonstrations of appreciation and affection.

Pay attention to the little things. Jesus says that every jot and tittle will be accounted for. Honestly, I have never seen a jot, though I think I’ve seen a tittle or two. Seriously, I believe what Jesus means with the whole jot thing is this: every single one of your thoughts and actions matters, and when you die, you’ll have to watch them all on video tape.

I spend most of my days thinking about me and things related to me, and the Washington Redskins. Like R, I have ignored some wonderful women I have dated. Like me, I’m sure that you’ve asked yourself, ”what if I had just said something nice here and there, or told her more often that I love her, or any other spontaneous act of love?” I’m sure Obama has asked himself, “what if I had more barbecues,” or “what if I had worn a yellow tie?”

Appreciating people every day is cool. Looking back with regret and remorse really sucks.

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Filed under Advice, Love, Politics