SNAG (Sensitive New Age Guy)

So, Mr. Sensitive-New-Age-Guy, just out of curiosity, are the letters you respond to real or fabricated???? Actually, I very much enjoy your blog- you talk the talk quite well, and with great humor…

By the way, was that you in the Eldorado Supermart the other evening? (I was the paint-splattered woman buying posterboard, having one of those typical Eldorado social moments…) See…., you too, can now be victim of the “star-spotting public”, even in your neighborhood grocery…
Thanks for the entertaining column!

“Sensitive-New-Age-Guy”? Yikes! A friend of mine has a term for that, S.N.A.G. I sure as hell don’t want to be a snag. Am I a snag? Do I came across as sensitive? I guess that’s O.K., but new age… no way! OK, so I’m definitely sensitive because that whole new age thing is really hurting my feelings.

Anyway, to answer your question, I absolutely DO NOT make up any of the letters in my column. When I first started doing the column, I begged a couple of friends of mine to send me letters, but I didn’t make anything up. I was genuinely surprised by how many people thought that I made up letters. Then I heard that Dear Abby and Ann Landers sometimes make up their letters. I can only say that I am not surprised. Both of those hosers really piss me off.

First, they are twin sisters who haven’t spoken to each other for, like, 150 years, and they give advice to other people on how to have successful relationships? That’s almost as ridiculous as getting advice from some pseudo-intellectual narcissist who has a long history of failed relationships.

Seriously, how did these two get a monopoly on the whole advice thing? Have you ever seen either of them on TV? They’re scary… really scary. Of course, if you saw me on TV, you wouldn’t want my advice either. But I am just a tiny minnow in the ocean of advice, and they are whales.

I have so many unanswered letters, that I do not foresee the need to make anything up. Abby and Ann must have millions of unanswered letters, so why in the hell would they ever make up anything? The only reason I can think of is that they have some axe they want to grind and no one has written them a good set-up letter for saying what they really want to say. I think that is really heinous? Anyway, on to another letter…

Dear Steve,
I am an extremely hot woman who usually dates really good looking guys with lots of money. Unfortunately, I am always disappointed with these apparently perfect men. I think that their good looks, stability and confidence just end up being boring.
Recently, I decided that I would only date underemployed men who have some glaring shortcoming (like they’re fat or something). My new boyfriend is an overweight writer. He is not particularly good-looking and he is not rich. He is also pretty self-absorbed. We spend most of our time at his house watching television or talking about his life. I never thought I would say this, but it is the ideal relationship. I feel so comfortable with him and we have the best sex in the world (when he is awake).
I strongly encourage all my hot sisters to find the nearest poor, unattractive writer and ask him out.
Happy with my fat-narcissistic-writer-boyfriend

You would be surprised how many letters I get from women who love their self-absorbed, writer boyfriends. I will share your infinite wisdom with my readers. We can only hope that they will follow your really great advice.

Dear Steve,
Your column is so utterly fantastic that I am often left breathless after reading it. How much does the Reporter pay you? I can’t believe that it comes close to matching the unfathomable value of your sublime wisdom. Whatever they are paying you, they should pay you more. Thank you for making my life livable, you are a saint.
“I live to read your column”

I really appreciate your comments, though I would suggest that they are somewhat exaggerated. I am, in fact, not a saint. Otherwise, I think you are dead-on in your observations.


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Filed under Advice, Dating, Love

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