Prime: Part 3

Here are some letters responding to Estevan Yan, who questioned the sexual equivalence of women in their 30’s and 19 year-old men.

Dear Steve,
Love/Sex usually requires two people, regardless of their sexual persuasion and You, Mr Yan, seem to have forgotten this basic premise!
Your sex drive may be hotter than ever and you may have fantasies of your wife eagerly awaiting your gracious presence by “lying spread-legged on the sofa” when you get home, but does your wife know about this fantasy? Have you ever tried coming home and looking at your wife the way you used to back in the days when you were dating and you had to put some effort into getting into her pants? Have you tried surprising her with a flower you stole from the yard next door and telling her that the theft reminded you of how naughty she can make you feel?
Have you tried simply telling her that she is beautiful and that you think of her all day long and then confessing your couch fantasy to her? What I’m trying to express here is that women need words or actions to prime their “sexual pump” Especially after hitting age 40!!! We feel so drab and undesirable at times, especially next to your 20 something co-workers. We need to know that you still find us sexy. We need to know that you want us, and not that 20 something co-worker.
Sherry G Walker

In defense of Mr. Yan, I think he was trying to say something like this – “women in their sexual prime still don’t have the sexual desire of a 19 year-old man, who’s pants can be gotten into with very little effort.”

I was highly amused by Estevan Yan’s letter to your column. Obviously, Mr. Yan should take a good look at his technique between the sheets. My wife is soon to be 44, and I am 35. Our sex life is quite fine – just last night I got home and got the command, “You. Bedroom. Clothes off. Now.” We’ve been married 10 years this May, and it only seems to get better with practice. We know many other couples over 40 who have no problems in the sack, but they tend to also relate on several other levels. My wife’s parents were quite active until her father died, and my own parents are still quite affectionate in their mid-70’s. Perhaps Mr. Yan (and his other 40-year-old friends) should take a good look at what they may or may not be doing to help the situation. Perhaps his wife isn’t “lying spread-legged on the sofa” because the experience isn’t worth it. Given that statement, I imagine his idea of romance leaves a lot to be desired.
Great Column!
-Pete Wargo

Obviously, you are a gifted lover who rocks the bedroom. Could this be a chicken/egg type thing. If you weren’t married to a woman who says, “You, bedroom, clothes off, now,” would you still be an awesome lover? What if your wife said. “prime my sexual pump, now.” Would you still be as motivated? Just a thought.

Hello Steve,
(re: asshole prick letter)
I read your column for amusement but today’s was not amusing. I can’t listen to or read one more comment from a bullshit liar guy who says he always wants sex more than any woman he’s ever been with. In my 20’s, 30’s & 40’s, I’ve never been with a guy – including my long-term husband – who wanted sex more than me and I would’ve been okay with sex every other night tho would’ve prefered 1-3 times a day. On the contrary, I checked with other women I consider sexual and they concurred, the more you want it, the more guys run away. They only want it when you don’t. So my conclusion from that is guys like the chase and the myth of machismo cuz their dicks don’t get up nearly enough.

First, Mr. Yan never said he wanted sex more than any woman he’s ever known. Second, when a guy really wants sex, women will also run away. Do you think men and women are different that way? Nonetheless, what’s important is this – you haven’t let your experiences with men make you bitter. Have a nice day.


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