Prime: Part 2

Dear Steve,
(I composed this gesticulation after an amorous moment or two on my futon with myself and thoughts of your blog from the most recent posts. This is my first time writing in. Please be kind…)
I cannot vouch for the rest of the women out there, but I must confess something: I think I have the sexual appetite of a sixteen year old boy. Now, I was never a sixteen year old boy, but I have always been keenly aware of my libido. I spill my guts so that people will sit up and listen to what I have to say. (and yes, I’m single. and yes, I do live in a dry desert of barren love). It is my suspicion that more women than you think follow my suit. The mystery lies in why they cannot let their juices flow until a good decade or two of sexual experience. Your statement regarding the factors enabling a woman’s sexual prime to flourish hints at this issue; however, I feel that it deserves a little more time and focus.
Why is it that sex is regarded by most people as penetration? Please keep in mind that I am not pointing the finger, rather I am trying to bring to light a perception that riddles even my (I like to think) open mind. Throughout years of discussions with old and young alike, I have come to see that people in my generation (20-30 yrs) consider sex to depend upon penile penetration and all other forms are merely foreplay or kinky (depending on who you are). What is this? Why is sex so dependent upon the penis? What about two women having sex? Does it really count? -of course… and that is what starts a conceptual (ha ha) (r)evolution. Anyway, I digress. My point is that maybe women take so long to reach their sexual peak because they have to grapple with the cultural constraints of sexual patriarchy. -have i just coined a phrase? Anyway, I realise that I am taking a leap with this statement, so hopefully you can fill in some of the blanks; and please understand that I’m not blaming men. But I think we need to have some understanding about this issue so that repairs and (hopefully) evolution can happen. And maybe then I can finally meet some man that turns me on and we can have sex outdoors like the rabbits.
I thank you in letting me remain anonymous…

I’m pretty sure you’re not the first person to use the term ‘sexual patriarchy.’ Many people believe men are responsible for repressing female sexual desire. History is full of examples that would support that theory, but I doubt men are responsible for female sexual repression in modern America.
Many people form their attitudes about sex as teenagers. Recently, a study was done on teenage sexuality and some of the results are very interesting. Researchers found that teenage girls who abstain from sexual activity have higher self-esteem than girls who don’t abstain. One reason a sexually active teenage girl might have low self-esteem is that she is often labeled a ‘slut.’ Moreover, researchers discovered the people most likely to call her a “slut” are other teenage girls.
This brings me to the question, why can’t women “let their juices flow until a good decade or two of sexual experience?” Perhaps, it’s because of the social pressure to be chaste that is exerted largely by other teenage girls. I seriously doubt that many teenage boys are pressuring girls not to be sexual. For that matter, I doubt there are many middle-aged men pressuring women not to be sexual. Why would we? Guys love sexually liberated women. We love them and we want to date them. When I hear someone criticizing a woman’s sexuality, it’s almost always another woman.
As for your question, ‘why is sex regarded by most people as penetration’ – I’m not sure most people do regard sex as merely penetration, and if they do, I don’t know why. I think anything that makes you shoot your wad is sex. Just kidding. Seriously, anything can be sex – holding hands, dancing,, playing Battleship. Even writing a column can be sex, especially if people think about it while they’re masturbating.

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Filed under Advice, Dating, Love, Sex

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