Prime: Part 1 (Estevan)

Dear Steve,
Okay, I’d like to dispel one of the biggest lies ever. As a 40 year old guy with lots of 40 year old male friends married to 40 year old women, let me make something really fucking clear. 40 year old men want sex every day and 40 year old women want it once a week at best. I’d love to find the asshole whose “study” showed the women hit their sexual prime in their 40’s and we hit ours at 19. I’d beat the piss out of him and I’d have a lot of help from other 40 year old dudes. The only appreciable difference I notice in
my sex drive is that I no longer have to jerk off at work – I can get through a full 10 hour work day without an orgasm. I think that’s good for business.
However, my wife is not (nor are those of any of my friends) lying spread-legged on ths sofa when I get home.
Estevan Yan

“Sexual Prime” is a misleading term. To most people, it suggests the ability to please one’s partner. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
After doing some research, I found out that “sexual prime” means different things for men and women. Researchers determine a man’s sexual prime based on the frequency and firmness of his erections, but they determine a woman’s sexual prime based on how satisfying she finds her sexual experiences. That’s right, they use biologal standards to determine a man’s sexual prime, and sociological standards to determine a woman’s.
Here are some facts…
For men and women alike, sex drive is strongly tied to male hormones (testosterone, androgen). These hormone levels are highest in teenagers of both sexes. As people get older, the hormone levels fall. While male desire is greatly affected by adolescent hormone surges, female desire is not. For women, sexual responsiveness and activity is largely determined by psychodynamic factors like personal confidence, a sense of empowerment, trust in their partners, etc. In surveys, women report those feelings reach their peek in the early to mid thirties (the actual sexual prime of a woman – not her forties). Women have sex more often in their twenties, but achieve orgasm more frequently in their thirties and beyond.
So, your forty year old wife may be in her sexual prime (or just past it), but that doesn’t mean you’re going to have any more sexual fun. It just means that, on those rare occasions you do have sex, she is more likely to have an orgasm. I bet that makes you feel a lot better. Maybe you should buy a bottle of hand lotion to keep at work (just in case).
You have to wonder who paid for this study – I think it was Ms. Magazine. Seriously, you have a bunch of guys with electrodes strapped to their dicks, measuring how often they get a boner – then, in the other room, you have a bunch of scientists asking women “was it good for you?”
If you’re measuring a guy’s sexual prime based on his chubby production, 19 year olds are going to win. When you’re 19, you’ve got a perma-woody. Remember how embarrassed you were to have a big old boner in the middle of math class? Where were all the hot, forty year old women then? I have to take my hat off to the woman who came up with this whole thing – judging a guy’s prime based on his willy-stiffness and a girl’s prime based on whether or not she gets off. Honestly, researchers determine a woman’s prime by asking her when she reached her prime? Does that sound intellectually rigorous to you?

“I thought that was funny because every woman, the women who looked like they were in their 30’s said the 30’s were the best. The women who looked like they were in the 40’s said the 40’s were best.”
-Dr. Laura Berman

What if we reversed the parameters of the study? What if a woman’s sexual prime was determined by biological factors, like vaginal lubrication – while a man’s sexual prime was determined by how often he orgasmed during sex? Then, a woman’s prime would be 19 and a man’s would be 12-80. I hope this helped.


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Filed under Advice, Sex

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