Those of you who read this column regularly know how much I hate Valentine’s Day. This past Valentine’s was extra special for me because I experienced all sorts of new Valentine’s Day abuse. First, I was on a number of radio shows that day, discussing love and romance stuff. I received some calls from people who think I’m completely full of shit because I act like men and women are different. Seriously, three or four callers were really upset about my gender stereotypes (things like women are more into self-improvement and men are more into television – which is totally true). Not surprisingly, lots of people in Santa Fe think men and women are basically the same (once you strip away the effects of society). These people think I’m holding back the advancement of the species by contending that men and women are different.
I was once one of those people. When I was a kindergarten teacher, I was always trying to counter the effects of society by making girls do boy things and boys do girl things (I mean, “things-that-society-makes-us-think-of-as-girl-things” and “things-that-society-makes-us-think-of-us-boy-things”). Anyway, I found out that boys and girls really are different. Those of you who disagree need to spend more time with little kids and less time reading Andrea Dworkin. Sure, society starts shaping kids early, and it’s hard to know how deeply society creates gender, but just look at the research that’s being done on chromosomes. The Y chromosome (which men have) and the X chromosome are way different (science types say so). Many women believe the reason there are no decent men to date is the Y chromer is incomplete (a pale, lame-ass shadow of the X chromosome). In fact, the Y is a pretty crummy chromosome altogether, good only for creating football players and the occasional Einstein.
Most of the people who think men and women are basically the same are big ol’ liberals, the same kind of people who believe that homosexuality is biologically determined and not a choice. I agree with that. What I don’t understand, is people who think that sexual preference is biological, but not gender characteristics. It’s kind of a nutty contradiction.
Anyway, after getting reamed by the gender fascists, I went to the Reporter’s annual Valentine’s Day singles’ party. I met some really nice people, including a woman who actually said, “you know, in person, you seem perfectly nice, why are you such a dick in your column. Really, what makes you such an asshole?” Needless to say, I’m now less fond of Valentine’s Day than I was.
Let me just say this – I’m sorry for being such an asshole, but I’m not sorry about the gender stereotypes. First, many of those stereotypes are true. Second, they can be really funny, which by the way, is the point. I don’t take myself seriously, so why should you? One woman wrote me a letter that said (and I swear I’m not exagerrating), “all the problems in our world relate to the fact that people don’t love and respect our mother, the Earth, and you (me- Duncan) are at the root of that problem.” She was really upset by the following gender stereotype – ‘men don’t need to be desired, they just need to get laid’. Well, I did an informal survey, and I found that most women would rather be desired than laid, and most men would rather be laid than desired. Sorry, that’s what they said. While I’m at it, I just heard the following stereotype – women fall in love with their ears, men fall in love with their eyes. That’s perfect for a superficial fat guy with a decent voice. Of course, it would suck for a superficial fat girl, but, damn it, that’s not my fault, so lighten up.
Santa Fe is full of people who love diversity, who celebrate diversity, but many of those people don’t like diversity when it comes to men and women. Isn’t it better to have at least two different sexes? Sometimes, I wish there were three or four.