When my girlfriend of two years and I broke up I was devastated. As was she. When I told her that I was willing to try things again, she turned the table and said that she wanted her space. Four months later, I met another girl who was interested in me. As soon as I started to date another girl, my ex girlfriend became very bitter towards me even though she can’t make up her mind about whether or not she wants to get back together. I’ve since stopped seeing the other girl because of my ex. My ex and I have been trying to work things out through friendship but her personal problems constantly make her very difficult to communicate with. She can never make up her mind and she is never satisfied with anything I do for her. She always tells me she loves me and that she wants to come back, but she never does. It is like she only keeps me around to make herself feel better. She only calls when no one else is around and is never willing to spend time with me. So the question is: How do I deal with her? Do I stop talking to her completely? Do I continue to jump when she says so?
In order to give you truly excellent advice, I would need to ask about a dozen questions. Like, why did you break up in the first place, why did you let your ex-girlfriend manipulate you into breaking up with the new girl, why would you want to be with someone who’s never satisfied with anything you do, was your mother nice to you when you were little, are you or your ex on any psycho-tropic medications, etc.? If I had answers to all of these questions, I’d have enough information to give you some great advice. But anyone could do that. Nope, the reason I get the really big money is because I’m working without a net – giving people advice about serious issues with damn little information. So asking you questions would be cheating (because I’m supposed to figure this shit out myself).
Still, it doesn’t mean that I can’t ask you to ask yourself some questions. Which is what I will do (then I’ll give you some advice later). Let’s start with the first question, “why did you break up in the first place?” I want you to take just a moment and re-examine those thoughts and feelings; do they still have merit? I bet they do. Not to be judgemental, but yours doesn’t sound like a super-terrific relationship. Maybe you had some great reasons for breaking up, but then you got all gooey sentimental and forgot what those reasons were. Maybe you have some unconscious fear of happiness. Maybe you…. oh, fuck it, here’s my advice-
Take a friggin’ break! You two sound like you’re enmeshed more than you’re in love. It seems that you have some over-lapping pathologies that keep you involved with each other – like she needs to bust someone’s balls and you need to have your balls busted. Besides, there are many perfectly normal couples that need to take a break in order to figure out what they want and what they need (and sometimes, who they are).
So please, for the love of God, stay away from each other for a while (at least six months). Tell her you think it’s the best hope, in the long run, for having a successful relationship. It’s the truth. Either way, at least you won’t have to jump when she says jump for a little while. Maybe you could use the break to take some assertiveness classes, or some drugs. You should probably get one of those testosterone patches.